Inher thoughts
If it seems like I am babbling, reaching, or otherwise not making too much sense, it's because I'm doing exactly those things in the search for that piece of inner wisdom.
I have the best of intentions when it comes to writing a blog. When I make that first post, I am confident I will write at least a little bit every day.
Sometimes, my head is full of a million ideas I can write about, but I don't jot them down. I just roll them around in my head until I get distracted and then I go find something else to do.
There is, after all, always an excuse to *not* write. If I don't write today, I can just chuck it all up to a failure and say I tried writing and it didn't work out for me again. I want to do that because it's the easier way out. I want to do that because then I can't *actually* fail so much as I can just say I did and not have to put forth the effort and see how it pans out.
Honestly, I know it is part of my depression and anxiety that holds me back from doing all of the magnificent things I'm capable of dreaming up (although it might be the likewise delusional side of my brain that manages to dream them in the first place). As we all know, some days getting out of bed is enough to get a gold star and a pat on the head.
Today, I managed physical therapy, a call to mental therapy, feeding the chickens, tending a toddler, and writing this... whatever this is. I can have a fistful of stickers, I think, for these things.
I don't have to tell you that I didn't wash my hair or do the dishes. I don't have to say that the coop needs cleaning or the plants need pruning or the garden needs singing to. You can't see my world so you wouldn't know that the dusting isn't done or that the diapers are still hanging out on the line despite being dry.
And even if you did know all that, you made it this far, so you know one thing: I didn't fail.
I have the best of intentions when it comes to writing a blog. When I make that first post, I am confident I will write at least a little bit every day.
Sometimes, my head is full of a million ideas I can write about, but I don't jot them down. I just roll them around in my head until I get distracted and then I go find something else to do.
There is, after all, always an excuse to *not* write. If I don't write today, I can just chuck it all up to a failure and say I tried writing and it didn't work out for me again. I want to do that because it's the easier way out. I want to do that because then I can't *actually* fail so much as I can just say I did and not have to put forth the effort and see how it pans out.
Honestly, I know it is part of my depression and anxiety that holds me back from doing all of the magnificent things I'm capable of dreaming up (although it might be the likewise delusional side of my brain that manages to dream them in the first place). As we all know, some days getting out of bed is enough to get a gold star and a pat on the head.
Today, I managed physical therapy, a call to mental therapy, feeding the chickens, tending a toddler, and writing this... whatever this is. I can have a fistful of stickers, I think, for these things.
I don't have to tell you that I didn't wash my hair or do the dishes. I don't have to say that the coop needs cleaning or the plants need pruning or the garden needs singing to. You can't see my world so you wouldn't know that the dusting isn't done or that the diapers are still hanging out on the line despite being dry.
And even if you did know all that, you made it this far, so you know one thing: I didn't fail.
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