about that place between

I haven't been keeping up with this blog, but I do make notes from time to time of things I imagine I'm going to share with you - about birds and kids and living off-grid in the forest. I may never share them, but the intention is there, so stick with me and I'll do my best. Let's talk about what I have been doing that has kept me so busy, though.

For those that don't know, I have conquered a lot in the past few years. I give myself a pat on the back for that, because giving myself a pat on the back is something I can do now. I am stronger than I think I have ever been in my life (mentally, but physical is next, which is why I've been seeking out a weight bench).

I have worked really hard and opened a lot of boxes filled with a lot of demons. I have been through about 15 lifetimes for my 36 years of life. I have been in some of the darkest places anyone could be in - and now I'm in some of the brightest.

My anxiety is down about 80%. My depression is almost non-existent. I was able to come off of the every day pills (it doesn't always work that way for everyone, and that's okay) and am only on situational pills when I need them. Yes, sometimes I still need them, and yes, that's okay too. I still get headaches and I still have nightmares sometimes, but even those are less and more controlled.

I am more social, more alive, and more giving to myself and to others. I feel like I am part of society and that I belong, and if you've never felt that way before, I know you know what I'm talking about. I never, in a million years, imagined I would feel these things. I always thought I would just be... broken, I guess? Part of that was realizing I was never broken - just different. When certain situations happen, my brain doesn't light up in the same places that yours does. In certain situations, my flight will always be stronger than my fight, and that's okay too.

There will probably be days where I curl up and I say I don't know why anything matters, and there will be days where I tell myself I'm not worth it, but those days are less, and less, and less. I will keep going to therapy, just so when those days come, I will have some perspective outside of my own.

Being here is That Place Between that my blog title means: That place between happiness and sadness. That place between broken and unbroken. That place between off-grid and on-grid.

I deserve this. My daughter deserves this. My husband deserves this. You deserve this.